and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize