don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
