i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
