I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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