soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
