I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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