I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
