We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
