My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
