Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize