he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
