I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
