he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
