therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
