I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
