I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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