your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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