I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
