I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I need to stop coming to work sober
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
