I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
