i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
