i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
