is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
