a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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