after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
