I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
