remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
so much tequila, so little girl.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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