Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
