It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
pray to the hookup gods
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
