you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
