Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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