dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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