then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Randomize
