I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
