Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
