My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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