You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
