Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
