hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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