why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
