if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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