Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Mom said you looked used
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
