I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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