I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
