In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
