This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
