Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
