I wanna bring you to show and tell
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
