You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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