so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
