My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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