He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
