I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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