Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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