I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
