You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
