his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
