I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize