i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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