it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
