David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
