And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
