I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
