12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
3pm strippers are depressing
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Randomize
