why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
