what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
