I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
BRING THE BAGELS
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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