"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I checked into jail on foursquare
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
where are you?
Hypothermia
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
