I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
