i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
