i think my tv is drunk
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
