Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We left an ass print on the piano.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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