I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize